


The Bachelor Party [AU]

by Yoshiaki



Series: Their kinda love is ageless [12]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Bard is engaged, Helpful Percy, M/M, Sexy Thranduil, Thranduil is the Ice King, Wedding vibes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23484019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshiaki/pseuds/Yoshiaki
Summary: Bard is getting married the day after tomorrow and everyone doesn't seem to like his future wife. So, they come up with a plan to help change his mind. Will it work?
Relationships: Bard the Bowman/Lily, Bard the Bowman/Thranduil
Series: Their kinda love is ageless [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1526645
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	The Bachelor Party [AU]

**Author's Note:**

> It's not easy to write Dain's name all the time, so do forgive me, for I was lazy. Also, i suck at writing accents, so...(hides away)

“Can’t believe I’m getting married the day after tomorrow,” Bard muttered, rubbing his hands over his face as he threw himself on the couch.

His best friend and best-man Percy sat next to him, sighing out, “Aye, that you are my friend."

“Bu’ is she really the lass ya wish ter’ marry?” Dain walked in, holding a pizza box and handed it over to Percy. Bard looked to him and sighed. Ever since he had asked Lily to marry him, he has been having doubts. His friends had never liked her but out of respect for Bard, they tolerated her company.

Bard loved Lily, he did. She was this great girl with bright green eyes and a beautiful smile. But she was trouble, Bard always finding himself ducking and dodging the things she threw at him while she screamed and called him a womaniser. Not once, had Bard ever cheated, but he worked around women and they would sometimes be friendly with him, bringing him lunch or always disturbing him in his office to ask him for work-related things.

Lily always threw a fit whenever she saw this.

But the real reason why Bard was getting married was because he was almost forty and he was the only one amongst his friends who was not married. He wasn’t pressured by his friends, but he wanted a married life too, someone to talk to when work was stressful, someone who shared his dreams, someone who makes him laugh, someone to go on an adventure with, but most importantly, someone who made him feel like himself without judging his flaws but accepting them. Not that his friends ever did that, they were brilliant, but sexual contact was a different story.

Lily had a couple of those traits though and her parents were excited beyond words at the announcement of the engagement, but now, Bard wasn’t so sure about marrying her and he couldn’t tell his friends that he needed time to think about all of this because they went to great lengths to make sure everything was perfect for him. Bless them.

“Yeah, I’m…sure,” he said to Dain.

They were spending the day at Bard’s place. Lily was out with her friends for her bachelorette party.

Dain scoffed, and Percy cleared his throat in a very suspicious tone, causing Bard to look between them before he asked, “What?” as he sat up and bit into his pizza slice.

“Ye hopeless lad,” his friend said, “Hopeless in every sense since you met her…” he added before getting up to answer the door, leaving Percy to be the one to define his meaning.

Bard looked to Percy for an answer but before the man could answer, there were shouts at the door and Dain was shoved into the room by masked men holding guns.

“Get down all of you!” the one with a shotgun yelled, pointing at Bard and Percy while the other three guys scrambled into the room, one of them pulling out a rope which he threw to Percy.

“Tie him up!” the first guy with the shotgun yelled, pointing towards a cursing Dain who was face down on the ground, shotgun pressed to the back of his neck. Bard was also shoved to the ground by a guy bigger than him and he felt his heart skip a beat when he received the same treatment as Dain.

At first, he thought it was a joke, that Dain and Percy would yell out ‘surprise’ but when he saw Dain struggle to move and was hit at the back of the head and there was blood, he felt absolute fear.

He angrily growled and managed to grab one of the guys, pulling him down and crawling up him to punch him but was startled by the sound of a gunshot tearing into the air before he whipped his head around to see Percy lying on the ground, blood on his chest and some dribbling down at the corner of his mouth.

“PERCY!” he yelled in horror and the gunman pointed his gun at an unconscious Dain. “You make a fuss and we blast your other buddy!” he said firmly. Bard nodded and got back down on the ground. Percy was dead, and Dain would be next if didn’t obey. Before he could think much about escaping a cloth was pressed over his nose and mouth and the world around him went dark.

He woke up to the unpleasant sound of a gun cocking and he opened his eyes to see what was going on but there was a bag over his head and his hands were tied behind his back. He realised that he was sitting, and he was in a moving car.

“What’s going on, hey, please let my friend and I go,” he said. He bit back a gasp when his neck was grabbed harshly, and he heard a voice whisper to him. “Shut up. You will speak when spoken to.”

Bard swallowed and nodded as best as he could. He was freaking out badly, his head pounding as he thought about the distant look in Percy’s eyes when he had been shot. His best friend was dead and there was nothing Bard could do at that moment. He should have stayed down and listened to the masked men when they warned him, Percy would have been alive.

He felt the car turn a couple of times and it soon stopped.

“Load them in the back and get started on the dead body in the grinder,” he heard one of the masked man yell. There was a ‘yes sir’ and Bard felt himself being scooped up, probably by the guy bigger than him. “Please don’t kill us, I’ll give you anything you want, anything, please,” he begged in a thin voice. He felt a rush of cold air and a door open, but nobody replied to him. He was carried for a while and all he could hear over the pounding of his heart was the sound of the grinder going on.

They were going to _grind_ Percy’s body, he thought in shock and then the real fear settled in the pit of his stomach. Instead of thinking about his future wife and their wedding, he thought about how much he regretted his current love life. He wished that he could have at least waited for someone who was right, someone who would have completed the void in his heart.

He heard a muffled groan then Dain’s voice yelling that he would put his hands on them once he was free. Bard had never been so relieved to hear his voice and he called out to him when he was placed in a chair.

“Dain, Dain, it’s me, Bard. You’re alive.”

“Bard? Lad, oh thank God ye’alive! What’s goin’ on, where’s Percy?” his friend asked. Bard couldn’t see him, but he could tell that his voice was coming from opposite him. They must be facing each other, he thought.

“They killed Percy, Dain. He was shot in the chest. I heard them say they’ll put him in the grinder. Oh fuck, we’re going to die.”

He heard shuffling and his heart jumped to his throat.

“Fuck, lad, that’s messed up! Did they blind ye too?”

Bard nodded but then he realised that Dain asked because maybe he had a sack over his head too, so he answered, “Aye. I can’t see shit. Oh God did you hear that?!” he panicked when the sound of the grinder, grinding something sounded out.

“Oh shit, I’m going to die and with regrets!” he yelled, trembling miserably.

Dain must have been the same because the sound of his voice was thin, and Bard had never heard him so scared. “Wha’ are ye talking bout’ lad? Ye were bou'ta get married te’ ye dream gal n’ av’ a wonderful life,” Dain argued back.

Bard shook his head, the fear of perishing, gripping him like a freezing hand around his heart and then they heard footsteps approaching.

“Fuck I regret that the most! I should have waited for the right person and now I’m going to die engaged to Lily!” he cried out and the sack was removed from his head.

He blinked a couple of times and jumped in his seat when he heard a bunch of voices yell out ‘SURPRISE!!’.

He looked straight ahead and saw Dain with all his friends and people he knew. Percy was next to him holding a video camera and the masked people had their masks pulled up, revealing themselves to be Dwalin, Balin, Ben and a couple of guys from his workplace.

It had been a joke, all along he thought he was going to die but it had been a joke. One horrible joke.

He took in his surroundings and there were decorations all around. They were at their favourite club in Mirkwood and Bard finally felt his heart calm down and his fear turned into anger.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!” He yelled as he grabbed Percy into a hug after he was untied, glad that he was okay and so was Dain.

“Happy Bachelor’s party lad. You were about to piss in your pants from that stunt!” his friend said, and the music started.

Bard laughed and hugged his friends, swearing at them for scaring him so.

Percy finally settled him down on a couch in front of a pole and he asked him to be still because he had a surprise for him. Bard obeyed, and a glass of whiskey was shoved into his hand.

Percy called for everyone’s attention and looked to Bard. “Since we all got a confession out Bard here that he regrets his engagement—and mind you, we’re grateful for that—Dain and myself have a special surprise.” Bard looked a little ashamed that he had confessed his secret, but his shame quickly died when everyone stepped out of the way to reveal the sexiest pair of very long legs.

Bard’s eyes travelled up those legs in knee-high boots and he felt a shiver run down his spine. He skipped the torso and his eyes landed the prettiest face he had ever seen. Beautiful pale skin, pink lips, a nice long nose, high cheekbones, icy-blue eyes, long dark eyelashes, thick dark eyebrows and damn that long platinum-blonde hair was fucking spectacular.

Bard painfully swallowed, and he opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

“Well I would like to introduce to you, the Ice King,” Percy said and there were whistles and gasps all around.

The ‘Ice King’ walked over to Bard and he bent over in a very sexy way, grabbing Bard’s shirt and wrinkling it. “Your friends Percy and Dain tell me that you’re having second thoughts about getting married,” he said. He had a smooth deep baritone voice that went straight to Bard’s cock.

He nodded like a toddler and a smirk found its way to the Ice King’s lips.

“Well then, how about I make it worth your while?” he said. Bard couldn’t speak, so, he nodded and then found himself being led into one of the private booths of the club where the ‘Ice King’ danced for him all night long.

Bard never got married to Lily the next day. He had eloped with a lap dancer known as the ‘Ice King’ and his friends, along with the officiator were damn happy that he hadn’t shown up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You are appreciated! - Yoshiaki


End file.
